Lockdown with a baby
Let me level with you: of all the blogposts I expected to write for this site, the one about handling a global pandemic while working from home with a soon-to-be-one-year-old wasn’t on my list.
We’re currently on week four of the UK lockdown in the battle against Covid-19. Or at least, I think we are. Time, already a flimsy concept when you’re bringing up a baby, has snapped at the seams and become slippery and hard to follow.
The timing , though, couldn’t really have been much better for us. If we have to practice social distancing, avoid going outside or visiting pubs, shops and restaurants, then having a pre-school age child is probably the best time to get on with it all. I really feel for all my friends who are having to come up with lesson plans and persuade their kids to put down the iPad and do some maths exercises. Likewise we haven’t really had to cancel any planned trips to the theatre or sacrifice evenings at the pub, because we weren’t doing those things anyway. In times like these, you have to count your blessings.
What has been challenging, though, is the change to our routines. Since May 2019 (when I went back to work after Ted was born) it’s always been the same for me: Monday-Friday I work 9-5 and see Ted in the mornings and evenings, then during the weekend I get to spend the whole day with him and Maddy. The lockdown coincided with the month that Maddy returned to work after maternity leave, and Ted was due to start nursery (now closed). What’s ended up happening is that we both spend one half of the day working and the other half looking after Ted, and swapping in the middle. My “shift” with the baby is in the mornings, and we hand over at midday.
On the one hand, it’s been amazing. Maddy has commented on how much closer Ted and I seem, and how much more he’s communicating with me (and vice-versa). I was supposed to drop down to four days per week of work when he started nursery, to spend more time with him, but I’ve deferred that now because I’m effectively spending 4.5 days per week with him for as long as all this continues. I’ve loved waking up in the morning and being able to do activities with him, especially putting him in the bike seat and going for an early ride in the park before people are awake and about.
On the other hand, it’s been really tough. Ted’s about to turn one and is currently going through a developmental leap that means he’s very fussy and constantly wants to be read to (I love books and reading to him, and couldn’t be happier that he wants stories, but seriously, you try reading Smiley Shark for the fifth time in a row). He’s also teething, which means he’ll stop midway through whatever activity we’re doing to cry with unbridled remorse. Finally, we’re trying to reduce the number of formula bottles he drinks each day (in favour of cow’s milk and solid food) and he loves to express his frustration when he can’t have a bottle.
When he wakes up at 5am (thankfully less often these days) and it’s my rota to get up with him, I glance bleary-eyed at the clock and start calculating how long this shift is going to be before Maddy relieves me. Seven hours, fantastic.
I’m playing the world’s tiniest violin for myself as I write this. Maddy has spent the previous year doing “shifts” twice as long as this, five days per week, with no holiday (and no complaints). Because I’m not used to this sort of routine, following the baby’s rhythm and keeping in tune with his unspoken needs, I’m finding it harder to do at her (admittedly high) standard. The temptation to plonk him in front of CBeebies when I’m knackered is high, and I’ve definitely crept gleefully up the stairs to go to work when the clock strikes 12, no matter how grouchy he’s being.
Some tips, though, on managing with all this, because it’s difficult enough when you’re just two people in the same house without introducing a baby into the mix:
Take some time for yourself. If you need to take an hour after work to decompress, do some reading, baking, exercise, whatever – go do it. Maddy and I are bad at being “martyrs” about caring for Ted, silently doing all the chores once he’s in bed and struggling through a difficult mealtime. It’s actually better for everyone involved if you go off and recharge for a period, and come back refreshed and ready to chip in. This is a marathon, not a sprint.
Don’t feel guilty about your choices. If you’re doing this properly, you’re only leaving the house for essentials, not seeing any other people in person, not taking your kid to baby groups and you’re trying to make them sit still in front of Zoom calls so your family can say hello. This will wear anybody down. It’s not cheating to put the telly on for a bit to distract them (despite my guilt above). If you really feel like you need a glass of wine or other beverage at the end of a long day of self-isolation… don’t beat yourself up about it.
Be silly together. Maddy persuaded us to record a spoof video of the Gruffalo to send to one of Ted’s baby friends celebrating his birthday in lockdown. Ted loved it and we had a surprising amount of fun recreating all the characters and sending it to our parent mates. Later on we did a similar thing for a pub quiz session via Zoom and took pictures of Ted recreating famous movie scenes. Be creative and have fun with it because nobody’s there to judge you, you’re not at a parent group feeling all self-conscious, and besides, your kid won’t remember anyway. Let your hair down.
Enjoy the unexpected bonus of more time with your kid. This one’s a reminder to myself really. I’m extremely lucky to be in this position where I’m being paid my normal salary but getting to spend half my time caring for my son. It’s already developing our relationship and we’re building our own games and routines now that I never had before. It’s made me more excited for the future when I do drop down to four days per week of work, and the things we can do together. It’s also meant I can witness his milestones in person: his first steps, new sounds, new foods and new skills he’s mastering. I’d have heard about these things from Maddy if we weren’t all stuck at home like this.
Nobody wants to go through all of this. It’s really hard for everyone and we’ve got it easy in many ways. I’m trying to find reasons to stay positive, keep focused and not get hung up on when this will end or what the future will be like. I’m loving being with my son and making sure he’s happy and fulfilled, and if you’re stuck on lockdown with your kid(s) right now too, I know you’ll be feeling something similar. Even if you’re on your ninth re-read of Smiley Shark.